Sunday, September 14, 2008

1st of September (Malmö, Sweden)

It’s the 1st of September. AND it’s a Monday! I genuinely thought it was illegal nowadays to allow traumatic occasions like the first day of autumn to collide with a Monday!
People get worried and scared, and possibly a little bit hostile (personally I was close to chasing the neighbours dog down the street!). But most of all, they get confused!
This is the day when you wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if you saw people dress in bikinis and wellies at the same time as wearing a fur coat. They can’t help it. It’s not their fault. We don’t know what to expect. Should we bring an ice scrape to work or buy an ice cream – the choice suddenly isn’t obvious.

On a day like this the Swedish government chose to test the emergency alarm system. It has to be done four times a year (it used to be 12) at the first Monday of the month at three o’ clock. It’s a tradition from the second world war (that we weren’t participating in), in order to make sure that in case we were under sudden attack (we’re a neutral country) we’d know about it immediately (we wouldn’t – we would just be convinced it was another test).

I’ve hated this signal since I was a kid. I mean, I can’t even stand the sound of a hover for God’s sake! This signal is of the sort that makes glasses break and eardrums haphazardly explode without warning! And it’s located pretty much just by our house!

Our neighbour has just got a new dog. Cute. But it has got a bit of a phobia for noise. If it (he, let’s call it a he. “It”, sounds dumb. And a bit insulting. It’s (he’s) a mammal after all, come on..) hears a police car driving past, he goes wild and starts howling. Hell, he goes nuts just from the sound of a magpie shitting on the fence!

Until now his arch enemy has so far been the church. Not for religious reasons but for the noise the bells make when it’s time for mass.
The church is now eliminated as a problem. Because he, as well as the rest of us, won’t be able to even HEAR it for the next 3 weeks! (Although he did just have a bit of a panic attack over a phone ringing three houses down the road, to be fair…)


This signal has been haunting me for the larger part of my life. And even so I’ve never managed to find out where it’s actually coming from. I know that it’s located very close by, but not from where (it sounds like it’s coming from the church, or the water tower across the road, but those are just wild guesses). And today I began to feel a need, an urge, to find him (yeah, I know he’s just sort of a horn and therefore doesn’t really qualify as a mammal, but everyone calls him “Fred” so what the hell..)

And that’s where I am in my life right now…this is my aim, my focus. TO hell with work and obligations. I’m gonna find that horn and I’m gonna throw a selection of ripe fruit and vegetables on it (him). And then I’m gonna laugh.


I’ve always known I was an anarchist at heart…
27th of August

Exciting week. Well, it could have been. Me and Jonas went camping on Bornholm, a pretty small, Danish island (but not small enough for a virtually non-existent bus system) in the middle of the Baltic sea.

Our main aim was to go find the Holy Grail. Once upon a time there were a bunch of Templar Knights hanging out in Bornholm, who built some special round churches and placed them in the shape of a hexagram. Obviously that meant something. Obviously that’s where the grail was. They've even got grail tours and official treasure hunts you can go on…


Well, my aim was to go find the Grail – Jonas’ main aim was to lie on the beach. And when he realized that it was gonna keep raining until we left the island, he swiftly switched aims and instead chose to full heartedly focus on drinking beer and having barbeques.

To be fair, the barbeque mania started before the trip had even begun. A couple of days before leaving, he both texted and emailed me about some disposable barbeque grills he had spotted in the shop. And when I didn’t reply quickly enough, he chose to call me instead.

“Can’t we buy those?
Let’s buy those!
Should I go buy those grills?
I’ll go buy them now!”


I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea at the time. Yeah, I had been having roast beef and potato salad in the garden for the latest two days, but so what – we were going camping so having a barbeque sounded like a perfectly logical solution.

Enthusiasm can be a tricky concept. I mean, at a glance enthusiastic people are quite uplifting to be around. It’s often even contagious. But there’s a very fine line between enthusiasm and obsession and it can at first be incredible hard to differentiate between the two.

The first day everything felt sort of reasonable. We went to a supermarket on the way to the campsite and got some sausages and potato salad. Normal barbeque stuff. When I suggested a pack of mixed lettuce and a few tomatoes, I got something of a weird look from Jonas. A look that said “we both know your suggestion is way out of order, but I’ll be patient since, after all, we ARE on holiday…”

The campsite didn’t allow any disposable grills, but had a large one for anyone to use. This was great, Jonas meant, cos that way we could bring his disposable ones with us around the island for lunchtime barbeques instead. I think that was when I started getting nervous.

The second day came and went with grilled burgers, potato salad and hot dogs.

The third day we were going to a famous beach. Jonas brought his grills and stopped off in a little town to get sausages and, since he decided to be spontaneous, hotdog bread instead of potato salad.

“Unfortunately”, he ended up grilling on his own, cos I insisted on stopping in the last town to try to find some other food than sausages, and then missed the bus. But we met up later on the camp site instead, to, after a swim, have another barbeque.

I think I can handle the meat, cos after all, meat is meat (as long as it’s not sausages) but it’s the potato salad that is now haunting my dreams. Even potatoes somehow manage to feel revolting.

Ok, I admit that it was me who found the campsite, and that it didn’t have many dinner options, but it was only cos it was the “best camp site on the island”!. To be honest, it was pretty good. It had a really nice pool, sauna, sunbeds, pool table, gym, a beach, an internet café, fresh coffee in the morning, and a guy selling some pretty good pop corn. And a barbeque grill. I mean, how can you argue with that? They even had a little shop where you could buy Spider Man equipment!


So, to sum it all up – no, no I did not find the grail. But the Danes seem to be pretty convinced it’s in Denmark, and I’m going to Copenhagen next week………………..so………………………………………watch this space!
17th of August

Had such a good night last night!! Well, for a start the concept was absolutely brilliant – going clubbing on the “beach” of the Thames when the tides were out. Then we were a large group going and pretty much every single one of us was in a fantastic mood! It was just a really great night! Seven hours or so just flew by. And I was smiling all the way home to my door! =D


But I’m still wondering…was it absolutely necessary for me to take my shoes off and insist on dancing IN the Thames??? Obviously I stepped on some glass and hurt my foot. (Wasn’t bleeding or anything, but still bloody hurt. Even got it in my shoe.) Could have been foreseen by a four year old. Clearly I wasn’t equally perceptive.

Ah, well…
11th of August

Sob…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it! I’m cold. My throat hurts. Bohoo… I’ll take it back. Honestly. No more chocks for me. I’ll get some garlic. AND some honey. I promise…I’ll sleep. And drink tea! No more chocks.. Just forgive me! Arrghh..
10th of August

Oh, this probably wasn’t the most clever thing I’ve ever done. I know I’m a Piscean, and a proud one at that, but lately things have gone slightly out of hand..

Last weekend Anabelen convinced me it would be a good idea to go to a latin festival in a park close to Oval. There would be good looking Spanish guys there, she meant.

Yeah.

Well, to be fair, there might have been! I wouldn’t really know, cos all I was ever able to see were umbrellas. Me and Marta sat in the grass under two of them and although we did have a great time and quite a few good laughs, we did manage to get absolutely soaking wet! Wet in the sense that I could squeeze out enough water from my clothes to fill half a sink.

But Anabelen refused to feel sorry for me.

-“But you’re the one who’s been defending the rain all along! You even texted me saying it was our friend!”

Yeah.

Yeah, I admit. Admit and agree that I actually do enjoy rain. Occasionally. In reasonable doses. And even though I was so wet I was beginning to wonder whether they would let me in on the tube or not, I was in a sparkling good mood and was probably even dancing around a lamppost, clapping my hands. Or something.

So far life was good. I went home, made myself a hot drink and went to bed.

The next day I had a cold. Not a bad one, or even a particularly annoying one – it was just one of those when you’ll be fine as long as you’ve got a fair amount of napkins with you at all times. And a few paracetamols.

I was recovering relatively well…until today when it was time for the next festival. This time an Asian one.

Today my clothes contained enough water for half a tub! Even my underwear were wet. The inside of my handbag. Every single hair on my head. My mascara had in panic escaped my lashes and fled into my eyes, which not only hurt, but completely blinded me so that I didn’t even know where I was going. I had to put my phone in my pants to prevent it from getting water damage, and even then it didn’t help. I had rain in my eyes, I had rain far into my nose and I had swallowed about a pint’s worth!

But I mean, all that bollocks about staying at home when you’re ill, taking care of yourself, keeping warm…it’s for losers! Everybody knows that. Garlic and honey my ass. No, I firmly believe in chocking your body back into health. I WAS having a cold, yes, and now my body will have learnt that this is what happens when it’s trying to mess with me and now I probably won’t have another cold for years…
I’ve got a feeling I won’t be as cocky in the morning…
30th of July

Earlier today I happened to overhear a conversation about blood types. It was incredibly exciting.

When I was in Sweden last year I accidentally found some old note saying what my blood type was. It’s something everyone should know, really, but I can’t say I’ve ever given it much thought. But now, thinking back, I’m pretty sure it said that I was an AB type. And furthermore I’m fairly convinced it said I was a negative – AB minus.

Now, this is what suddenly made the conversation so interesting. Apparently only 0,something % of the population has got that specific combination! In other words – I’m a minority!


I was beginning to wonder whether I was entitled to some sort of special rights or unlimited free ice cream if I voluntarily gave blood, and if maybe I had some odd trait in common with all other AB negatives? Maybe this was why I’d never really liked apples?
Maybe we all love water lilies or enjoy an occasional cup of coffee? Maybe we’re all Pisceans!

I spent several minutes fantasising about AB negatives taking over the world, infiltrating the governments of the G8 and every university, military institution or coffeehouse in all major cities. I felt I was on to something big.

Later I was meeting up with a friend of mine and I had decided that I was gonna let her in on my plans. I knew the other AB negatives probably wouldn’t like it, but after all, we had to recruit. And I was hoping her to be of the same blood type as me, cos if I was gonna rule the world, I wanted to do it with her. It would be so much fun. We would be grilling and drinking beer and climb trees in Parliament square.

-“No, my blood group is 0”.
-“What? 0? That’s the most common group of them all. That’s the most common group of them all!
-“Well, I’m sorry my blood isn’t cooperating with your weekend plans..”


I could detect a slightly sarcastic smirk on her lips in combination with a raised eyebrow, but I put that down to defence mechanisms. After all, she must have been pretty disappointed.
I decided to tred lightly.

But you see, I’m generous with things like that. Always have been. I don’t gloat when I win a game of monopoly or a tossed coin. And if I get more pop corn in my bucket than my mate does when going to the cinema, I try to look sad. And more often than not, I try to involve tears.

-“But there’s nothing wrong with being a 0. Not really. You don’t have to feel embarrassed. There’s nothing to be ashamed about..” (I tried patting her in a comforting way on her shoulder.)
-“Err…I’m not!!”

Some people’s defence system is more highly integrated into their behaviour than others.
It’s all about anxiety and fear. I understand.

-“Maybe you should check that you actually ARE having this super elite power blood before you start organising groups and armies and stuff. I mean, imagine how stupid you would look if you turned out to be just a pretty ordinary AB positive or even a lame 0…?”

The girl has got a point! I’m prepared to admit that. I’d better look into this before taking further steps and going global. I mean, in the end of the day, no one wants to look stupid or crazy or anything. But watch this space..


By the way, I went to a meeting with a writer’s group I’ve joined yesterday. There wasn’t any actual writing going on – it was a social event – but we played little word games in between the pints and I have to say I had a really good time! Unfortunately I’ll be in Sweden at the time of the next meeting, but after that I’ll definitely be back for more! =)
27th of July

I’ve had insomnia all week. In fact, I’m sort of having insomnia right now. Proper insomnia that makes you want to bring a pillow where ever you go and sink into just any vaguely comfortable corner you happen to pass for a snooze as soon as you get the chance.
But even then, even if you did, you wouldn’t be able to sleep. You wouldn’t even be able to find any rest.

In the end it sort of makes you want to cry. But only for short sharp moments, because before you’ve even finished the thought, you realize you really don’t have the energy it takes.

And then Rory came over to visit, which meant I had to at least try to seem awake. He was only staying for a couple of days before going back to Dubai, where he’s working at the moment. And that’s just the thing. If someone who lives that far away comes to visit you, you have to be polite and sort of nice. And the first thing you learn when taking the course “How not to be an asshole for Dummies, 101”, is to at least pretend to keep your eyes open when having someone over.

Which is not all that easy when all you really want to do is……………………………………………………………………………go to bed.

But hey, being tired doesn’t mean you’re not happy. It’s perfectly possible to be exhausted beyond belief whilst still thoroughly enjoying life! I might even go as far as calling it easier! You’re past caring and you’re probably even giggling. So what if you drop a mug when you’re trying to make tea – who cares! Let’s laugh about it! So what if you walk into the door and hurt your arm – it’s only a bruise. You’ll live! And as a bonus I find it almost impossible to get annoyed with people even if they’d be incredible irritating. I simply really don’t care. Easy life.

But luckily I don’t tend to need much sleep and I think things went quite well in the end.

On Wednesday I had brought Esther to Danny Wallace book launch party and since I didn’t think Rory would be able to make it we decided to try our best to rub it in and make things just that little bit worse for him. In the end Esther was taking a bunch of photos of me and Danny holding notes saying “We are having fun without you, Rory”, but it proved to be relatively pointless since 1. I managed to loose all the photos (new phone, new camera) and 2. Rory DID manage to get there. I’m still not really sure how he did it to be honest. Possibly by hijacking the train, but was sure that was sort of illegal in Britain. Ah well.

Anyway, here’s another photo of us looking incredibly daft. (I think it’s actually debatable if it’s even physically possible to look more stupid then all of us do here… But that’s what makes me laugh. Or no, it probably isn’t….the reason I’m laughing is possibly cos I’m too tired to even put my socks on right.)

19th of July

Rough night! Went to a party in Bow yesterday and got back home this afternoon. Well, not from the party. I slept at Nicolas. But still. Tired… Sleepy….

I don’t tend to take any major amount of pictures when I go out (I find it tedious), but love this one from yesterday…


…of Helen and me! It’s hilarious! Just look at the guy in the corner! =D

But hey, I don’t just go to parties! I do cultural stuff as well (and no, I’m perfectly aware of the fact that watching Desperate Housewives doesn’t count)!
Went to see Figaro’s Marriage (that title sounds so, so weird to Swedish ears!) shown by the Royal Opera House in Trafalgar Square on Wednesday.

The experience in itself was a bit surreal though. Not because of Figaro (he was doing fine), but because of weird cosmic coincidences!

I was meeting German Girl (her other name is Nicole) and some others somewhere in the square. Obviously I was a few minutes late, but German Girl (Nicole) texted me saying they were sitting in the front of the square by the big screen.
But since the square was absolutely packed, this just wasn’t enough information, so standing by the edge I text her back telling her to wave at me..

About 1 minute later I get a text from Nicola (with an A) telling me to look in front of me and when I do, I see her and a bunch of others I know WAVING at me from across the square!
At first I didn’t know what was going on. Had I texted NicolA instead of NicolE? In confusion I ran across the square underneath the screen, but when I ‘d reached the middle NicolE called out for me from the side and after a few paralysed minutes me and my brought along sushi dived into the masses, whilst NicolA and company was looking very confused on the other side indeed. (They knew nothing of NicolE and thought I was there to meet them..)

Meanwhile Esther, who’s on a date in a third edge of the square (the back) sees me running, and goes looking for me in half time but then can’t find me since I’ve gone off to group nr 2. (No harm done there, she ended up with NicolE.)

I went for a relaxing evening watching the opera and ended up running forward and back over the square about 8 times. But still it was a good night. I just hope German Girl didn’t feel offended by my occasional absence (after all I was there to meet her)…