Monday 30th of June


Earlier today I was on my way to the swimming pool. I was in a hurry and a bit irritated. I’ve forgotten about what.


On my way out through the front door, I, for some reason or another, stumbled over the threshold and somehow managed to FLY through the entrance.

FLY through the entrance…

I would have deserved to wear a cape. With an S on it. Let’s put it that way.

A few meters away was a girl who started to laugh like there was no tomorrow.
I told you I was already annoyed, and this chick wasn’t helping…

-“You think this is funny? You think this is FUNNY??!”

I was getting seriously annoyed, but calmed down pretty fast cos I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone looking so apologetic while laughing that hysterically at the same time.

-“Hahaha…I’m soooorryy..hahahaha.hahaha..but you just looked so funny..haha…just like a CARTOON!!!!”

-“Mhmm!”

-“Haha…so funny..haha…don’t be angry..hahaha…I can’t help it..”

-“Hm.”

-“Can’t you just..haha..do it again so I can…hahaha…tape it on my phone and…haha..put it on YouTube?”

-!!!!!!!!

Wafer thin ice.


Now I’ve got a bruise the size of an orange on my leg – and I’m going to the beach in Italy on Thursday. All I need now is a gigantic lollipop and I’ll look like a slightly oversized INFANT! Hilarious. Maybe I should dress up as a scout?

And I was going to the pool. And it was very close to bleeding and quite obviously they wouldn’t let me swim with a bleeding wound!! My mood could have been better…

(But after getting undressed I actually wasn’t bleeding. Obviously I wouldn’t have gone into the pool otherwise. I’m a hygienic person thank you very much!)

And swimming, surprisingly enough, didn’t improve matters much. For some unknown reason the air smelt like perfume.

And I’m sure you’re going “Yeah, but perfume is nice, Evelyn, just give in…”, but it wasn’t a nice smell. It wasn’t a nice perfume! It smelt like something a very old lady would buy. No, actually, it smelt like something a very old lady would buy, then give away after she’d seen sense. And then the other lady, the one who would have received it, would put it away, far away, in some locker. This was the REJECT of “Old Lady perfumes”! And it was absolutely overwhelming (well, they normally are..!)

And even more annoyingly, in the already closely packed lanes, there was a guy clogging up the whole line of swimmers. You see, if you can’t swim, you use the lane to the side, together with toddlers and various inflatable sea creatures. But I think this guy actually thought that he could. I think he genuinely thought he was doing it the right way.
He threw himself forward, took about three strokes and then, just before drowning, he stood up again to do some stretching and gasping. The rest of us turned into domino bricks. Over and over and over again.

In the end one of the guards come running over to the edge of the pool shouting:

-“What the hell are you doing”?!
-“Um…swimming”, he replied rather optimistically.
-“Oh no, you’re not! I’m asking you again – what the hell are you doing?”
-“Um…TRYING to swim…sir”?

It was hilarious. He had every single eye in the whole pool on him and even him being in a pool and all, I could have sworn I could see him sweating!

-“No, you’re not! You’re looking stupid. Do you think this is your bath tub”??

(To be honest, I really don’t think he’d ever thought that it was.)

I had to hide half of my face underneath the water because I laughing so much. It was priceless. Trust me, you’d have to be there to understand.

So why was I laughing?

Because he looked like a complete and utter idiot, of course!!!
Probably almost as much of an idiot as I had about an hour before!
I’ve learnt a lesson. ;-)



PS. Everyone is still going on about Wimbledon, and I haven’t got a cluuue about who’s who this year! But I was there with my neighbour Martina two years ago, which was great! Saw the end of the ladies final at centre court, took a few pics of Lady Thatcher and had some Pimms. Was a good day! :-)