(Written yesterday.)

It’s a bit odd, but I’ve woken up every day the last three days believing it’s Wednesday. Sometimes even insisting – like on Wednesday.


It started on Tuesday when I woke up in a particularly good mood, since it was Wednesday and all. I like Wednesdays, you see. The sun is normally always shining, and people are much happier than, let’s say, on a Monday, when they are just simply pissed off all day through. On Wednesdays you are half way through the week, and you start whistling and humming and things like that.

So I stretched my arms out and said “Yay, finally Wednesday!”
Then I realized that if it really was Wednesday it would mean that I had forgotten to do a whole lot of things the day before. And it was roughly then that it went up for me that in fact, it was only Tuesday. A bit traumatic, but you know – what can you do?

Same thing happened the next day – I woke up, stretched my arms out and pointed out that “Yay, it’s Wednesday!”. And this time it worked out pretty well. They say you get better with practise.

But then today things started to get confusing, because again, I woke up stretching my arms out shouting “Yay, Wednesday!”. And I mean, quite clearly – it’s not!

Then things got even weirder. I jumped out of my bed and ran off to the supermarket to get bagels and some grapefruit juice. And stuff. And in there I accidentally passed the cereal aisle. Well, I’m not particularly avoiding it, but it’s not really a place where I tend to hang out either. I don’t really understand cereals. I just don’t get the hype around them. And most of them don’t even seem to be particularly healthy.


In fact, there are several things that I can’t really grasp about them. For a start, in my supermarket there’s a whole aisle devoted to them – on both sides. That is a lot of space! They’ve got an equal amount of space as all of the beef, chicken, lamb, pork, fish, seafood together! How much cereals can people possibly EAT? Where does it all go?

I mean, let’s say you’re in the supermarket to buy dinner for two people, and you come back with a pack of two fish fillets (and obviously some stuff to have with it). Then you and your partner/sister/friend/cat/neighbour eat the fish and the next day you need to go back for more. Ok. But I’ve never, ever seen anyone managing to scoff themselves through a whole pack of cereals in a day and then having run out the next day.

Or is it me who is wrong here? Is it me who’s got weird habits? Maybe I’ve misunderstood the whole concept of breakfast! I mean, I’ve always thought there were alternatives, that we had choices. Choices in the shapes of yoghurt, fruit, sandwiches, bagels, croissants or even an unhealthy fry up!

So standing there I suddenly found myself getting mysteriously sucked into the aisle as if by some strangely irresistible power. A bit like Will Smith got sucked into that spaceship in “Independence Day”, when all the steering mechanisms of his own saucer stopped working (cos of the aliens). That sort of thing. More or less. Well, at least now you know the feeling.

And in there, in the cereal aisle, life was different. In all the other aisles children were arguing, running around, falling over. They were probably even sneezing. People were frowning and looking tired as if they just wanted to go back to bed.
Here faces were relaxed, carrying gentle smiles. Children appeared like graceful little angels beside their mummies legs. At one time I could have sworn I heard harps. It was an aisle of blissful harmony. It was – the cereal aisle.

I couldn’t just walk off and buy some bagels after a moment like that, could I?

But which to choose?

I’ve heard that your choice of cereal says a lot about your personality, so it’s important to think it through properly and not through just anything in the trolley. (But having said that, I’ve also heard that your favourite character in the Simpsons defines pretty much your whole existence… I’ve chosen not to believe in that specific theory cos my favourite is Flanders.)

So what type am I? What sort of signals do I want to send out with my breakfast? I know I’m definitely not a Rice Crispy person, because they’re disgusting and the advert is stupid. And don’t get me started on the Coco Pops. Chocolate and rice? To me that sounds about as tasty as pickled cabbage dipped in whipped cream. “A bowl full of fun”? Not even a little bit!
And I don’t even want to discuss Cornflakes. Cornflakes are for lame people. Everybody knows that. I’ve even heard some sort of urban legend saying that if you look at the package from a certain angle it spells out L.A.M.E on a four sides. And no bloody way that I’m gonna let my own breakfast have a laugh at me every sodding morning. No way.

I remember buying Frosties a few times when I was living in Leeds and Paris. It wasn’t bad. If you put some strawberry jam on it, it actually tasted pretty great. (Or maybe even grrrrreat…) But it’s not exactly a healthy breakfast, is it?

A couple of years ago I decided to try cereals again. I made the decision after seeing the Crunchy Nut advert on TV.
I had never seen such a passionate urge being expressed to a cereal (or any other kind of breakfast related product for that matter), and I sure hadn’t experienced it myself! All I knew was that I wanted to have what that woman was having!

The first time was quite nice. Memorable even. I admit that it was genuinely good. It had big crunchy nuts that had been either roasted or caramelised or both and then drenched in honey. I’m not going to lie to you. It was cereal heaven!
But then the second time I bought it, it just wasn’t the same at all! It was just lame bloody honey flavoured cornflakes with tiny pieces of nuts! Pathetic!
A few months later I bought it again, to check if they’d sorted out their problems. They hadn’t. So I decided to give up.

But today I felt ready for a new attempt with a new fresh cereal! Found some sort of bran flakes with coconuts and fruits in them.
Turns out, not that much fruit.
And definitely not grrreat…

But they are great for feeding the squirrels and bunnies in Holland Park with! They love all cereals. Even these, I’m sure.




PS. I almost forgot about my Berry experience. Once last year I bought a pack of cereals with Red Berries in them. They were nice. Well, they were nice the first couple of days, because then I managed to shake out about 80% of the berries and fill the bowl to the brim with red fruit. After that, I didn’t feel so excited about it anymore, mostly because by then it was just…well, a packet of flakes basically. Pretty lame flakes as well, really.